I have a confession to make…
I can be an asshole. And I don't mean this to be that I treat people badly on purpose, or do mean things to others.
I mean this as an Overachiever. You know the person I speak about. The one you roll your eyes at, and say, "again" or "really?"
I hold really high expectations of myself - so naturally, I expect others to hold themselves to those too. But this is where the problem ensues. I am me - for good reason. And you are you, also for good reason.
Let's talk about 3 things that can make you an 'Asshole Overachiever' - because awareness is the first step! If we can identify these things in ourselves - it means that we can take a different action.
1) I hold other people to the (clearly, ridiculous) expectations I hold myself to. This is the main thing I want you to be on the lookout for! It's really hard to step back from the expectations you have and hold for yourself and others. But something magical happens when we do. We realize that because we are all different - we don't have to have the same goals, dreams, desires - and expectations.
Here are some signs you may be stuck in this one:
-You grumble about others not being as _________ as you. This blank can be a lot of things: hardworking, early bird, number of hours worked, and on and on…
-You are devastated when people don't set goals for themselves, their children and their dog. Now you laugh, but if you gut check yourself - you may find that you do this.
-You can't let small mistakes go. This could be both in yourself and others. Mistakes are part of learning - but they also just happen. Learn to handle them appropriately.
2) I love to show others what I am doing, learning and growing in.This one is super easy to be misinterpreted. I LOVE sharing knowledge, information and tips - but I have to be mindful of a few things within this.
-What is excitement to me, may be annoyance, frustration and the feeling that I am being pushy or condescending to the person I share with.
-Is the person ok and willing to "accept" this info you are giving them? Too often I am wrapped up in my own excitement that I don't just ask that!
-If someone is open to the amazing information you are holding back - tie it to something you already know they are working on. Don't just info dump on them, as this is what gets people annoyed!
3) I talk too much about me.
I love talking (shocking, right?) I also love sharing stories, experiences and information. But this can easily be perceived as being selfish and trying to control the conversation.
I heard amazing reminder of this on a podcast recently (I am pretty sure it was EntreLeadership, but not entirely certain). It stated that people want to be the hero of their own story. As sellers of things (products, services, ideas) - we try and sweep in and be the hero. Whether that's us being a hero, or what we have to offer being the hero.
But we miss the point when we do this. We can still be a hero by letting someone else figure out how they can be the hero in their own story!
I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic! I also have a hypothesis around being the 'Asshole Overachiever' that I will keep developing and get back to you on.
Leave me a note and let me know!
It's Jan. 9th - it's plausible to say that we may have fallen off the bandwagon on those resolutions.
So, instead of beating yourself up - let's get back to action!
Let's talk about some reasons we might not want to do so:
When you feel that way, it's super easy to go to others and complain, to not work on anything meaningful or just to be a grump overall.
I'd like to give you an alternative to put in action. That's why you come here - right!
It will feel funny at first. It will get better, with practice!
When you feel it creeping in...
Pour yourself into serving others.
You will start to make excuses:
Today, we're going to spend some time talking about something or someone you probably spend way too much time talking about.
Right now, I am thinking of 2 people specifically that I let taint my attitude, my hustle, and my well being in 2017.
I want to start the discussion so you spend your time more productively in 2018 :)
Grab a pen and paper - yes, old school. Write down who or what came to mind.
If you haven't written anything down yet, don't you worry - we will get there!
This is the person that you blamed your lack of progress; your shitty communication; your lack of meeting timelines; your grumpy attitude.
You invested way too many hours lamenting the harm they've caused you, your passion and your growth.
It's the person or topic you jump to when angry, hurt, or bored!
The person I want you to think about during these times is your future self.
By feeding the negative one, you steal from the positive. By playing to the dark - you can't see the light.
Now, I talk about this because had I had better control of myself in 2017, I would be more of the person I want to be, and less the person I am spending time and effort complaining about.
Where could I be now, if...
The great thing about perspective and growth is that you can choose differently this moment, week, month and year. It doesn't make the choice easy - but it means you have the control to tackle it.
But our call to action today is this:
I will invest in my growth and education
I will invest in growing and teaching others
I will invest in eliminating this in myself and others
I will ask for grace, correct and love as I work on this in the coming year
Lastly, who is this person for you?
What will you invest in for 2018?
What can you use as a reminder?
I find that when you bring up the word habits - the reaction is alarming. It invokes eye rolls, guilt, frustration, and maybe even stagnation.
I've seen the power of habits in my own life - and I want to share some tips!
Get Them on Paper
The real kind. Made from tress. We live in an ultra-digital world that seems to move faster and faster. And I don't know about you, but my brain sometimes is in over drive when I only deal with technology all day. The tactile nature of a pen and paper is alluring, cathartic and synergistic. But there's something magical that happens when we put pen to paper (preferably a fountain pen in a great notebook). There's peace in getting it out of your brain on paper. There's serenity in moving on to bigger and better thoughts, or allowing yourself the space to work through and mold the idea, thoughts, habits, goals and dreams.
Like clay, there's rejuvenation and beauty in reworking it until just right.
But there's more - it allows our brain to keep reworking that idea to mold it into something bigger. Which means we take small, little tiny steps towards the direction of success.
Don't Change Everything at Once
If you are anything like me - you get excited about 125 things an hour. There's not enough time to do.all.the.things. But we want to so badly - and, we punish ourselves to get there. And get mad when it doesn't work.
When you change too much in one fell swoop - you don't set yourself up for success. Habits don't become habits without some effort, or lack of effort. Often we feel compelled that we have to completely and utterly reinvent ourselves.
When we try and accomplish too much at once - we are ignoring that there is a process component to habits. Now, being Type A - I LOVE processes! One component is giving yourself enough time to work through the habit, and get it to stick. This can take weeks, and months. In addition, there are stages you will go through as you get it nailed down.
If you try to tackle too many at once, you get frustrated and give up on all of them before making any solid progress with any of them.
When speaking on habits on Instagram Live this week, a friend brought up an excellent question - what's the difference in a habit and a routine. In our super scientific discussion - we determined that habits are things you do out of passion, drive and growth while routines are things you do because you have to.
But getting back to morning and evening routines - I want to speak to this because routines or rituals are ways that you prepare yourself for something else.
A morning routine could include the order you get ready for work, the place you stop to grab coffee (the financial planner in me says please don't do this daily), or what you listen to on the way to work to get you ready for your day. It can also mean the time you must be out of bed, showered and get the kids to the drop off.
An evening routine can help you shut down for the day in several ways. By having a ritual when you get home from work, you separate the work life from home life (and hopefully keep them separate). When you have a bedtime routine, you are letting your body know it's time to wind down (please get off the screens)!
Habits Make the Mundane Manageable
This is one of my favorite "pros" for the habit argument. The same way that writing our habits and dreams down helps us to subconsciously work on them - habits, once established, take the hard work out of mundane things. It doesn’t specifically make them more exciting - but it takes the mental energy out of determining whether you have to do something or not. This frees that energy up for the things that energize you - if you harness it!
Off the Rail Habit Train
Now that I have a number of years of habit experience, I can tell when I start to lose track. I recognize triggers within myself, and in a perfect world, get back on track. Reality is not that cut and dry. Here are my triggers of knowing when I am not on my habit train:
Thank you for staying til the end! I know this is lots of stuff - but I want you to have the tips so you can decide what habits, rituals, or routines you want in your life! This will be a topic I will continue to delve into! There are so many amazing rabbit holes to get into - bad habits being a good one soon!
I would love to hear your comments on the topic. What is a habit you are working to create or break? What would you accomplish if willpower wasn't in the way? What did I mention that you didn’t agree with?
Talk to you soon!
Consider supporting this affiliate link - Gretchen Rubin is one of my favorite authors, and I donate the proceeds to Pulmonary Fibrosis.
It can't be her time yet.
Selfishly, I realize I haven't learned everything I can from her, or told her how important she is. She hasn't yet shown me the ropes on motherhood, how to sew, or manage a family and career. Who else will be excited about my crochet happenings and help me make a house a home? Who else will know the joy and frustrations of my most important relationship - with her son?
I can't understand the agony she's in, or the prospect of your body not functioning as it should. Or the fear in her eyes that this may not be fixable.
Here's to hoping this is a hiccup, and not an ending.
*Originally posted on TealSpin.com 7/2/15
Throughout the last few months, I became more vocal about my participation in craft shows, as well as promoting TealSpin. I put myself out there and got more involved in social media (posting on FB about TealSpin, as well as being more vocal about my hobbies at work, and posting on Instagram).
And, the shocking thing...it worked! I had tons of people buy, or look at the items!!!
I am thankful for each and every one of you :) THANK YOU! First, you let me practice on you whether I was testing sales processes, displays or just trying to figure out how to not to sound ridiculous. Thank you for believing in me, for trusting me with your money, and for supporting me. I am so excited to tally my totals for November and December and make another donation to The Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation! I am keeping my fingers crossed I will be really close to the $2000 mark!
Thank you, again and again! I am so excited to have you along for this journey!
I was pumped and ready to start the morning with a run. My last several weeks of cardio had been on the spin bike, but I felt awesome that morning. My lifting had been going well, and I was seeing solid gains in my spinning. I was ready to knock out a quick 4-5 miles (without walking).
And then I got on the treadmill. And it kicked my ass. And humbled me. But, I learned - like always. :)
To run, or to do anything, you can't do it part time or half-assed and expect results. Your gains are matched by your effort, or your lack thereof.
Ironically, a Pitbull song was on as the first song up for the morning, and the lyrics were perfect for the situation:
Ask for money, and get advice
Ask for advice, get money twice
I was also re-reading Atlas Shrugged and came across a gem:
Do you know the skill it demands, and the years of passionate, merciless, excruciating devotion that goes to acquire that skill. I have often wondered at the smugness with which people assert their right to enslave me, to control my work, to force my will, to violate my conscious, to stifle my mind - yet what is it that they expect to depend on, when they lie on an operating table under my hands?
Results don't come from wishing, or wanting something to be so. They come from putting in the work, sweat, effort and dedication to get better!
Make it an amazing day!
*Originally posted on TealSpin.com 12/8/15
Wow - it's been awhile!
The last several months have been a whirlwind. There's been extreme loss and sadness, with learning and growth along the way. The good feels guilty in the wake of the loss, but also freeing, as Sharon would want us to celebrate her life.
One of my new adventures has been learning to sew. My crafty abilities were typically only in the crochet realm, so it feels good to branch out. Being a perfectionist is not helpful in my stage of sewing capability though. I took a sewing class offered by an old friend/co worker. Luckily, she's patient and can dumb it down for me :)
I've also been forcing myself to get involved in interests outside of my day job...this has meant expanding my knowledge by attending some leadership conferences, reading and listening to podcasts, working out regularly, getting involved in the startup community and playing a more active role in TealSpin. I've been happier to find balance, at the realization that we don't know when that last breath will be, and that focusing my energy outside of work on things that seem selfish has helped me perform better, make better decisions, and strengthen my personal relationships, most importantly marriage. I keep thinking of the James Keller quote: "A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle."
So finish your week strong, and don't just live for those hours on weeknights and weekends. Push yourself to reach further, do more, and give the extra inch. Even when you question whether it's worth it...it is :)
Here's some pics of my costume for tomorrow and Saturday:
For so long, I've wanted to have my own dream team at work. I wanted to get team members who were ready to be dazzling, fabulous and awesome. It took much longer than I would like to admit to realize that I could help do my best to grow these skills by encouraging creative thinking, growth and accountability.
I listened to a voicemail best practice a few weeks ago, and reached out to the author. He was an RVP in another area of the company. He took the time to talk me through what he meant by his point and provided examples of how he does this.
Here is how I have implemented, and seen AMAZING results. His basic idea was to focus on your top folks, because they drive your middle, as well as your bottom. Although this seems to make sense, I was doing exactly the opposite.
What you focus on festers on the team - whether positive or negative. If you are always focusing on the positive, this is what your team will live up to. By focusing on your best folks, you can tap potential that is currently being wasted, reward team member growth and responsibility, and free up time to work on the long term projects you want to - instead of putting out fires. Seems like a better option to me.
I hope this was helpful. What best practices do you use as a Leader, or as a Team Member, what things do you like that your Leader does?
*Originally posted on TealSpin.com 5/19/15
*Picture credit - Pexels.com
I love to crochet!
It's calming, relaxing...and sometimes, I make cool things :)
*Originally posted on TealSpin.com 5/5/15
Ponderings on life, yarn, leadership. And probably some cute pics of the pups!